After Nicole Sealey
After the break and the pill
I was told we were all going forward.
This is not the case. I am still here
and nobody is coming back for me.
To whom do I deliver my unruly living?
I craned my neck until it pinched
and saw no one else in this lake.
Oh no. Does this mean the boy left?
Wait, no, sorry, I already started
with grief. The perched cranes
have already bent their necks
to submerge their heads
in shallow pools of hindsight.
No bird can tell the future.
Every dog will try to swim
if the water acts absent enough.
Like how I drowned trying to save my feet.
Like how I kept telling the boy I wasn’t
drowning, I was just splish-splashing
while he got the boat ready.
Don’t blame me. I’m crazy.
God. Tonight was not enough
to be inconsolable.
I am going to need another dive.
Quartz goggles, leaden eyes—
allow me this silly plunge.
Do not try to use another pair
of hands on me. It really hurts.
Why don’t you trust me?
I promise I am only being crushed.
I promise this arm will manage to sleep.
I'll give back your book soon, I promise.
Rob Colgate is a Filipino-American poet from Evanston, IL. He holds a degree in psychology from Yale University and is currently pursuing his MFA in poetry with the New Writers Project at UT Austin, where he is also working towards a certificate in critical disability studies. In Austin, he teaches workshops in both creative writing and emotional intelligence. His work is featured in Best New Poets 2020; his first chapbook, So Dark the Gap, was published by Tammy in March 2020 and won the ReadsRainbow Prize for poetry. You can find him at robcolgate.com.